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Resolved Question: Very detailed description: I need help identifying this unusual flower?

Here's the situation: the plant is growing in a shady area in mid-Michigan. The soil is pretty acidic, I guess, because it's growing next to a blueberry bush. The plant is kind of bushy, but it doesn't have any "woodyness" to it. (Sorry, I don't know the proper terms here.) It's about 1 foot tall, maybe less, and 1 foot across. It's dense from the leaves, and I can't see the ground when viewing it from above. The leaves are thick and arranged in groups of three. The leaves are dark green. They have smooth edges and are lobed. The lobes are asymmetrical. It almost looks like the leaves are a couple of fused together leaves. I just noticed it a couple of months ago. When I noticed it, the thing that caught my eye was the weird... buds? I think they were buds... they grew off, up, away from the plant and were tightly compacted balls. They kind of resembled onions in the way that they were layered, but they were smaller, like one inch in diameter, maybe an inch and a half. They were dark green with purple at the ends of the layers. They must've been sweet because they were covered in little ants. Then when they bloomed... (that's why I guess they were buds?) the flowers were large, about 6 inches across or less, with wide, thin, delicate petals that were about two to three inches long. The petals were light purple-pink, and there were about 10-12 petals per flower. The flower wasn't like a tulip, where the petals curve around, but more like a sunflower, where the center is easy to see. The center was yellow and dandylion-like, because off all the little filaments. It was about an inch across. The style/stigma was hot pink and small. Thanks for reading all that :D Any insight is appreciated!Sorry, I don't have any way to post a picture. more

Resolved Question: What is wrong in my fruit orchard?

I live in west central Alabama and have a small fruit orchard for canning and such. The oldest of the trees would be 5 years old this year and the youngest 2 years. I'm having a problem with trees and or portions of trees dying. 4year old Gala didn't even swell the buds, it just sets there still in May 3year old Nectarine bloomed and leaved out to about 1 inch leaves and now every limb but one has died and the last one is on its way. 5year old Manchurian Bush apricot looks mostly Okay but two stalks died completely. 4year old Dwarf Cherry bloomed and set fruit then half the limbs died but the other half still look Okay 2year old Montmorency Chery bloomed and leafed out but half the tree died and after I cut it back the other half is now dieing 2 weeks later 4year old Blue Plumb bloomed and leafed then half the tree died and the other half looks anemic for a plumb tree. 3year old cross between a plumb and apricot didn't bloom but leafed out and the entire tree died. On the other hand I have more Nectarines, Apples and Pears that are mixed in with them that show no problems at all. They have set on fruit and look fine. The symptoms on all trees are the same, the blooms or leaves just wilt, turn brown and die. Sometimes the whole tree and sometimes just part of it. Now, we had a hard freeze in mid April, 28 degrees for four hours. Nothing showed up immediately after the freeze. We had a very wet week during which we got over 11 inches of rain spread out almost daily, it may have been two weeks. I have sprayed a lawn weed killer that was for broad weeds using my tow behind sprayer but the weed killer is only supposed to kill weeds if they are growing and becomes inert when it contacts soil. I have also followed a regular spray schedule starting in early spring using dormant oils, cap tan, benelate, daconil, streptomycin, liquid lime and wettable sulfur. I have used these sprays on my other crops too which show no lasting effects of any of the above and seem fine (e.g. blackberries, raspberries, blueberries and grapes.) Any guesses about what is happening? My greatest puzzle is that the same thing is happening to so many different varieties while some are only partially hurt, some completely killed and some untouched. I had three nectarines and two of them are fine while the third one died and they are only a few feet from each other. more

Resolved Question: How can l help deer-chewed blueberry bushes recover?

We planted four two-year old blueberry bushes last summer, and deer or rabbits snacked on them over the winter. They've been chewed down to within a few inches (between 4" and 6") of the ground. The remaining branches show some green and three of the four have the beginnings of leaves (though not many, obviously). Do they stand a chance of recovery? What can I do, at this point, to help them recover? Finally, what's the best way to prevent the deer or rabbits from doing the same thing next winter? more

Resolved Question: Bare Root Blueberries Question?

I recently purchased a couple mail order blue berry bushes from a nursery catalog. Because of various circumstances, I decided to plant the tiny twig like bushes in pots first for a year or two before putting them in the ground. I know I'm supposed to pick off any blooms the first year. Does that mean just any fruit blooms, or leaves too? more

Resolved Question: Cross pollination of fruit bushes?

I am wanting to plant a blackberry bush and a blueberry bush side by side, is this okay? Also, is it necessary to plant more than one of each type for cross-pollination. I really do not have the room to plant more than two. more

Resolved Question: How do I take care of blueberry bushes?

The house I bought two years ago has around 24 blueberry bushes on the property. The lady's great grandfather or something like that planted them a thousand years ago. No pressure. These blueberries are huge and awesome. I want to keep these bushes going. How do I cultivate/care for them? I haven't done anything and I'm coming up on 3 years in the home. So far so good but if there's something I'm supposed to be doing I'd like to know before I kill them.I've already ruined one vegetable garden and two flower gardens. The other flower gardens are holding their own but don't hold a candle to what she ever did with them. What I'm saying is I'm not gifted. I don't want to blow it with these blueberries. more

Resolved Question: Bare Root Blueberry Bushes?

I ordered 6 bareroot blueberry bushes from a nursery on the internet. I got them in the mail today. I know that I'm supposed to plant them as soon as possible, but will not be able to plant them for another day or two. How am I supposed to store the plants until then? How long am i supposed to soak the roots in water? I read online to plant the roots on a mound in the hole, does that work? Any other good tips for transplanting blueberries? Does anyone have any good tips to keep deer away? Will the deer bother them even though there small, 6 inch, twigs? I was going to try making a PVC frame and use netting. I don't know if that would keep them away. I would also use chemical deer deterrents. Any other ideas? more

Resolved Question: Hello! I have a dwarf turkey fig tree and I need to know two things?

one is it safe to plant on the corner of my house and will it interfer with our blueberry bushes.The sunlight is good for both but I know that the blueberry bushs require more nitrogen than the fig tree. I believe it if the fig tree recieves as much as the blueberry bush it can hurt the crop. I also believe the turkey tree is a lengthy rooter but is it downward or outward? I think downward? They will be about 8 - 10 feet from each other and then another 10 feet in the opposite direction; again in good light we have grape vines. But I'm not sure if they will be to close due to the nit. levels that are required for both. Thank you!Thank you Matthew I had a feeling I was remembering that incorrectly! more

Resolved Question: What should I do with my blueberry and raspberry bushes?

I'm getting two blueberry and two raspberry bushes in late march/early april. Each plant is two years old, and ready to bear fruit. What are the steps I should take to get a good harvest? more

Resolved Question: What Do You Think Of My Story So Far????

ok, im 13 and love to read and write. i just finished reading the Twilight series. My teachers and family think im rally good at writing, so i decided to write my own vampire story. The plot is- a girl, her mom, and step dad move to Maine. The girl gets bitten by a vampire, turns, and gets swept into this strange new world. then she falls inove whith amortal boy. Heres the story- “ Bailey!, Hurry up!“ “ Aaaaarrrggggghhh! “ Thump! I jumped at the sound of my mothers voice, causing me to fall out of my nice warm steamy shower and onto the cold tile of the bathroom. A sudden shock went through my whole body at the sudden temperature change and I was covered entirely in goosebumps. I quickly scrambled to turn the water off before I flooded the whole house, and called, “God mom ,I’m coming! Do you want me to kill myself?” I heard a muffled giggle. “No, but hurry up, I want to be back in time to make blueberry pie!” I rolled my eyes. My mom and step-dad decided they wanted a change from good ol’e sunny Florida, and moved to Maine, dragging me along with them. Now ever since my mom heard about the nearby blueberry farm, she has been bugging me non-stop to go with her, and I finally gave in. I wrapped myself in a towel and walked sluggishly to my room. I peeked out my window the rain had cleared up mostly, but the sky was still a dreary gray and the angry clouds thundered noisily as in warning. My three cats, Bud Pinky, and Loki, were all snuggled together on my bed. Loki opened one sleepy eye to see who had entered, and when he saw it was me he yawned and went back to sleep. “Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb your rest, you royal highnesses.” I scrambled through my drawers until I found a pair of dark jeans, a dark blue tank top, and a cream hoodie. I walked back to the bathroom and began to blowdry my long auburn hair .As I brushed it out, I noticed that my hair now hung past my hips, but my stupid side bangs that I just had to have had not moved an inch. I sighed in annoyment as I took out makeup. I quickly slapped on some foundation and put some mascara on my long eyelashes that hung over my sage green eyes. I stuffed my cell phone in my pocket and ran down the stairs. “ Now I’m ready.” “Finally! Damn you take such a longtime.” Mom rolled her dark brown eyes at me. “Ok, well lets go. Bye Honey! We’ll be back soon.” “Shush! The games on! Oh, bye. Have fun love you.” My step dad grumbled. Whenever his baseball game is on, he would block out the entire world. We stepped out into the cold autumn air, Mom shivered and pulled on her black windbreaker. I jumped into our mint green jeep as she scrambled through her purse looking for her keys. I attempted not to laugh at the stupid face that she was making, but failed miserably. Her eyes crossed slightly and her tongue stuck out like a stubborn 5 year old’s. I let out a snort, and she looked up confused. “ Bailey! How old are you?” “ 7……”., She rolled her eyes at me. “Ok!, Im 14 ok! Gosh, why do you have to make fun of my age all the time! You know how I feel about getting old!” I pretended to burst out in tears as she started the car. “Bailey….. have you been getting into the vodka again?” It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Oh shut up mom. Haha” We continued our stupid little game the whole ride to the farm. As we began walking up to the little farm house itstarted to sprinkle lightly. “Awww man..” my mom looked very disappointed. “Oh come on mom, it’s just rain. Its not even pouring. Cheer up. Grumpy.” The kind looking lady smiled up at us as we walked in to the doors of the farm house. There were all kinds of different homemade treats along the =walls. “Hello dears, are you coming to pick some of the blueberries?, or would you like to buy some of my muffins? “We’ll be picking today thanks. But maybe we will come back later for some of those muffins. They look delicious.” Mom smiled as the woman handed her two baskets. “have a good time, please come in later for a cup of hot chocolate, on me.” We waved goodbye as we walked out the doors. “ok, lets get picking!” I threw Mom one of the baskets and ran towards the millions of rows of blueberry bushes. CHAPTER 2 We had been picking for a hour, and my arm felt like it was going to fall off from the weight of the basket. Mom was two rows down still managing to be enthusiastic about blueberries. “Mom!” “ya?!” “Im goiung to sit down for a while, you can keep on going, if I cant find you I will call you.” “ok, I’ll just be over here!” I sat down resting my head on the bush. Ihad my basket im my lap, and was eating blueberries from it. I just sat there for about 15 minutes kind of out f it. Then, I couldn’t here my mom humming along to her favorite song. I couldn’t here all of the childrens shrieks of glee as they bombarded eachother with blueberries. It was quiet, I couldn’t even here they millions of birds as as they flew overhead. I stood up, getting nervous. The great big clouds were now pitch black, and directly above me. I couldn’t see anyone either, just me the blueberries, and this great big cloud. “Mom?” I called hoping she was just fooling with me. I took a step forward and it was black. I tried to let out a scream, but an ice cold hand was closed around my throat. I could feel razor sharp claws scrape around my neck, and I broke out in goosebumps. A beautiful voice rang into my ear, “Silence, young one and this will be less pain for you”Although I knew I was about to die, all that I cared about was hearing that beautiful voice again , to see the beautiful man who spoke it. And then, there was pain, worse pain then when I had broke my arm and the bone stuck out threw my skin, worse pain then when I was in that car accident and broke my ribs. This pain was beyond physical it was mental, I saw terrible and horrifying images of rotting corpses, and and blood stained walls. My lungs were on fire, andi could feel every single bone in my body snap. My mouth was glued shut, and I couldn’t let out the scream that needed to be heard. My head was spinning with the gruesome images and my body was a lifeless rag doll, all the bones wortheless. “I’m going to die, I’m going to die, why wont the pain stop?! Let me go in peace!” Then it was over, my body crashed to the ground and the pain stung threw my body, but the terrifying images were gone it was dark, and I liked it. more

Resolved Question: Plant leaves wilting?

Two days ago I rearranged my broccoli, pea, tomato, and my two cotton plants in my garden box so that they would get better sun/looked more organized. I was as careful as possible with the roots, digging almost a foot and a half for some into the soil just to prevent from breaking even a little bit. My pea plant moved perfectly, the leaves didn`t wilt like I had expected them to (I had had to move them once before previously because cats kept clawing at them, it started drooping an hour later but a thourough ten second soaking with the hose firmed it up within an hour). The same thing happened with my broccoli, which is fairly small right now, as the peas. By the next morning it had completely revived. Yet my tomato and my two cotton plants, the tomato plant is huge right now and the cotton plants are both a good six to seven inches tall, have barely recovered despite practically drowning them. Some smaller leaves on the tomato seem to be back to normal, but as a whole they all just look sickly. I`m at a loss! I`ve put a lot of work into all of my plants (I also have a blueberry bush and five HUGE stalks of corn from which I harvested my first delicious ear today), and they have all turned out beautifully, but now i`m afraid i`m going to lose these forever! Help!Sorry for the wall of text! more

Resolved Question: Naruto Poll {[#6]} :3

Hello all! How are you on this fine August the 10th 2008? How are your grandparents? :3 Do you like blueberries? Enough with the questions!!! Well.....enough with NON-Naruto related questions, anyway. But, on with the actual NaruQ's :3 1.Which sight is likelier (SHUT UP! IT'S A WORD! GOOGLE THAT SHIT!) to stop you in your tracks? A-Sasuke, in a pink tutu, madly flailing his arms while being chased by both Ino and Sakura B-Gai, in the middle of the street, doing lunges in a frilly thong C-Kakashi with his mask off D-Some SERIOUS NejiHina action going on behind a bush (and why?) 2.So, you're chillin' at your house with your main man Shika. But the two of you are dead bored. "THE TV WILL PROVIDE US WITH THE ENTERTAINMENT WE NEED TO LESSEN THIS EVER-GROWING SEXUAL TENSION!", you yell out enthusiastically (whether or not your a girl is irrelevant...hehehe). You turn on the tube........what do you two watch? 3.CAMPING TRIP! You're with: Naruto, Sai, Kakashi, Gai, Lee, Ino, Hinata, Shikamaru, Temari, Neji and Kankurou. They, for some inexplicable reason, put YOU in charge of pairing people up for the tent situation. (Two people to each tent) Who, including yourself, do you pair up with who? 4.Would you rather: Have Ino as a sister? or Have Neji as a brother? 5.Where does your loyalty lie? A-The Akatsuki B-Konoha C-Orochimaru (and why!?) 6.Gai starts dating.......YOUR MOM! Whats your reaction? 7.Who do you think should've STAYED at the academy? (Not necessarily because they aren't strong.....but so we wouldn't have to put up with their shizz on missions) 8. Guys: Anko? or Shizune? Girls: Iruka? or Asuma? 9.Who would you want as a: Best friend: Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Sister: Brother: Rival: 10.Surprise! THE AKATSUKI WANTS YOU! There are a few open positions in former two-man cells because of unexpected deaths. Itachi is still dead, as are Sasori and Kakuzu. Forget about Deidara and Hidan's deaths for now. So....Pein gives you the following options: Team up with: Kisame Deidara Hidan or Tobi Who do you choose and why? D= Oh man.....coming up with these questions is more mental stimulation than anyone with my level of stupidity needs. RANDOMNESS TIME! What's the last song you listened to? I'm curious. :3 Mine was "You spin me right round" by Dead Or Alive. Haha. Have a nice rest-of-the-day. My NaruFriends. ;3 X--Isabelle TheNarutoNerd more

Resolved Question: is this any good(book)

Resolved Question: if you liked twlight

i wasnt talking about the stephen king verison i was taling about a diff book and i was wondering if you liked itit id nothing like the twilight you think i am talking about this is one i found at some store more

Resolved Question: i need help growing my blueberry bush organically?

this is my first year growing two blueberry bushes and i know all the basics for soil acidity and soil types and it is growing blueberries already. I'm trying to grow all organic and just wanted to get some tips and tricks to keep bugs and any other animals away without chemicals especially birds. i heard that using blood meal is a good way to keep raccoons away does that also work with other animals? more

Resolved Question: I got two grape vines and a blueberry bush to plant and need to know when to plant?

I just bought them today at Lowe's but it doesn't say on their bags when to plant. Do I plant them now or after the frost? If after the frost which would be around the first of May in my area. How do I keep them from dieing? more

Resolved Question: Collection of jokes?

Collection of jokes There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and got on it again. Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it. He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help. The hottest girl said , "If you fix our car we will do anything you want." The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash. When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr." After thinking for a short while he replied, "Could you hold my camel?" A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple whom also seemed to be in disguise. The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog. After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music." "Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog." A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436." A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5, 000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35, " was the reply. "I'm actually 47, " the man says happily. A little while later he goes to McDonald's for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "I'd guess that you're 29?" "Nope, I am actually 47." He's starting to feel really good about himself. While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your penis for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age." As there was no one else around the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47, " Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonald's". A young couple on the brink of divorce visits a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife what is the problem. She responds " My husband suffers from premature ejaculation." The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?" The husband replies "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me." A little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. "Why do you want cider?" asked Mom. "To take the pain away, " sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little girl immediately put her hand into the drink. "It doesn't work!" she yelled. "What do you mean?" asked Mom. "Well, " sniffed the little girl, "I overheard my sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider." A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make theguy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport, " he asked? "Fifteen bucks, " came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver. John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife's side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into the room and asked him to' Bring this note to your beautiful Mummy.' The note read: The Tent Pole Is Up, The Canvas Is Spread, The Hell With Breakfast, Come Back To Bed. Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son to 'Bring this to your silly Daddy.' The note read: Take The Tent Pole Down, Put The Canvas Away, The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage, No Circus Today. John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply. Then, he asked his son to take it back to 'The lady in the kitchen'. The note read: The Tent Pole's Still Up, And The Canvas Still Spread, So Drop What You're Doing, And Come Give Me Some Head. Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to 'Take this to the poor man upstairs'. The note read: I'm Sure That Your Pole's The Best In The Land. But I'm Busy Right Now, So Do It By Hand! Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have sex!" And so they did. As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!" And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!" There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him. First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw. Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off. The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw." The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming." A couple were having financial problems until finally they couldn't stand it any more. The husband said to his wife that is was necessary for her to make some money through prostitution to get by. So the husband drove her to the place where she had to do the job and in the evening he picked her up again. "So, how much have you earned today?" the husband asked. "Well", the woman responded, "I've made one hundred dollars and fifty cents." "That's strange", the husband responded, "who gave you the fifty cents?" Said the woman: "All of them, of course!" Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them." Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES" The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it, "He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago." Doctor, the embarrassed man said, 'I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.' 'Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.' So, the worried fellow returned with his wife the following pad. The doctor greeted the coupled and then said, 'Please remove your clothes, Mrs. Thomas.' The woman obliged and removed her clothing. 'Okay, now turn all the way around... Now, lie down please... Uh-huh, I see. Alright, you can put your clothes back on.' While the woman was busy dressing herself again, the doctor took the husband aside. 'You're in perfect health,' he said to the man. 'Your wife didn't give me an erection either.' Jack and his friends were playing golf one Saturday. As they are getting ready to tee off, a guy walks up and asks if he can join them. The friends look at each other, look at the guy and say, 'Sure.' About two holes into the game, the friends get curious about what the guy does for a living. So they ask him. The stranger tells them he's a hitman. They all laugh. The guy says, 'No really, I am a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag. I carry it everywhere. You can take a look at it if you like.' So Jack decides to check it out. He opens the bag and, sure enough, there is a rifle with a huge scope attached. Jack gets all excited and says, 'WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look?' The hit man replies, 'Sure.' So Jack looks and says, 'YEAH! You can see my house! I can even see through the windows into my bedroom. There's my wife. Wait, there's my next door neighbor! And he's naked too!' This really upsets Jack so he asks how much it would be for a hit. The hitman replies, 'I get $1000 every time I pull the trigger.' Jack responds, '$1000? Well, OK, I want two hits. I want you to shoot my wife right in the mouth. She's always nagging at me and I can't stand it. Second, I want you to shoot my neighbor in the penis, just for screwing around with my wife.' The hit man agrees, gears up and looks through the scope. He's looking for about five minutes until finally Jack starts to get really impatient and asks, 'What are you waiting for? The hitman replies, 'Relax..... I'm about to save you a thousand bucks!' A little boy goes up to his father and asks: 'Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?' The father replies: 'Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500, 000.' The boy goes and asks his mother: 'Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500, 000?' The mother replies: 'Hell yes I would!' The little boy returns to his father: 'Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'' The father then says: 'Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500, 000.' The boy asks his sister: 'Would you have sex with your principal for $500, 000?' The sister replies: 'Hell yes I would!' He returns to his father: 'Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'' The father answers: 'Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores.' A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, "How about a blowjob?" "What! Are you crazy!" "Don't worry, it will be quick, " he ensures his girlfriend. "No! Someone might see us..." "It's just a small blowjob, " he insists, "and I know you like it." "No! I said no!" "Baby... don't be like that." "Come on baby pleeeeaassseee" "I'm not going to give you a blow job" "Why Not...baby it will be quick I promise?" Suddenly, the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks, "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come downstairs and blow the guy himself... but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom." Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to find his mother taking a bath. He points at her bush and asks, 'What's that Mommy? 'A little embarrassed, she tells him that is her sponge. Tommy is satisfied with that answer and goes back to playing with his toys. Some time later, Tommy catches his mother in the shower shortly after she has shaved her bush for bikini season. Tommy asks her, 'Where is your sponge mommy? 'Again embarrassed she tells him that she lost it but will probably find it soon. Tommy is a little worried and promises his mommy that he will help her find it. His mother says OK and goes back to showering. Soon, Tommy comes running back in and says that he has found his mother's sponge.' What do you mean you found my sponge? "The lady next door has it and she's washing Daddy's face with it!' This story occurred on Melbourne radio last week. One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this: Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game ? Brian: Yeah, sure. Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex? Brian: Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning. Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian ? Brian: Hmmmmm .... about 10 minutes. Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it? Brian: Ohhhh , I can't say that. Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian ! Brian: O.K. ... O.K. ... On the kitchen table. Presenter: (and others in the room - much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife ? Brian: Yeah, alright. Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you ? Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks. Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say hello. Sharelle: Hi Brian. Brian: Hi Sharelle. Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali. Brian: Just tell the truth Honey. Sharelle: O.K. Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex ? Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio. Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them. Sharelle: O.K. ... About 8: 00 this morning before Brian went to work. Presenter: Good, nice start ! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle ? Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes. Co-Presenter: That's close enough ... Brian was just being a gentleman. Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it ? Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no. Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here. Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway.. just tell em. Sharelle: Ohhhh .... alright .... Up the ass ! Radio Silence A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet 3 inches tall, 385 pounds, 12 inch penis, 2 pound left testicle, 2 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy faints away and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, gently slapping his face and shaking him, "Are you alright?" In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say?" The big dude says, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions almost everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet 3 inches tall, 385 pounds, 12 inch penis, 2 pound left testicle, 2 pound right testicle, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn Around'. What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse? What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of? What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it? What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k? Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman? What does a dog do that you can step into? What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands? What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat? What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages? What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married? ANSWERS: 1. (talk) 2. (legs) 3. (a twenty dollar bill) 4. (firetruck) 5. (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt) 6. (pants) 7. (fork) 8. (Almond Joy candy bar) 9. (grit) 10. (last name) A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill." The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the clerk. "I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house." the man replies. The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off." The man takes another look through the scope and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!" A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog." The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!" "Look! We're going fishing and that's final." "Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!" "Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW JOB.... 3 or you take it up the ass!" The wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!" "Wife I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!" The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, "Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?" The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "O.K. I'll give you a blow job!" "Great!" He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, "Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all shitty!" "Yes!" says her husband "The dog didn't want to go fishing either." A guy goes to the tattoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1, 000 to put a $100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this. The man replies, 'I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.' So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis. So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tattoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie. So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: 'First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it.' It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words, " he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well, " she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea." One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice. Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?" "Nope, " replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."' A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid, " she thought as she fell. "What a way to die." As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?" "No!" she shrieked, aghast. So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked. "Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too. The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic. "Slut!" he said, and dropped her. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?" He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job." more

Resolved Question: Why did the leaves on my blueberry plants turn red?

I planted two blueberry bushes in the spring (one early season & one late season). Both had labels that they should produce fruit in the very first year, which the early season one did. The late season one never did. Both appear to be doing ok except that their leaves are turning red (fall in the northeast), yet we have not had a frost so far. Is there a soil deficiency that could be causing this & what should I do to counteract it? more

Resolved Question: how close do blueberry bushes need for cross pollination?

I just bought two blueberry bushes but the place I want to plant them, they'd be about 8 feet apart. Is that too far for cross pollination? more

Resolved Question: Algebra question...Help Please?

Business and finance. Linda Williams has just begun a nursery business and seeks your advice. She has limited funds to spend and wants to stock two kinds of fruit-bearing plants. She lives in the northeastern part of Texas and thinks that blueberry bushes and peach trees would sell well there. Linda can buy blueberry bushes from a supplier for $2.50 each and young peach trees for $5.50 each. She wants to know what combination she should buy and keep her outlay to $500 or less. Write an inequality and draw a graph to depict what combinations of blueberry bushes and peach trees she can buy for the amount of money she has. Explain the graph and her options. more

Resolved Question: Bussiness and Finance Algebra question?

Resolved Question: If you had two houses what would you do...?

I have one nice townhome in a Waterfront harbor Community with a nice 18 hole golf course where a new museum with an IMAX theatre is going in. The townhouse is walking distnce to a mass transit rail system. I also have a 3000 SF house on over an acre with tall Douglas fur trees and blueberry bushes and an Artesian well on 80 ft of waterfront secluded yet accessable to the freeway Which should I sell? Or should I keep both residences. I do not need the money and don't have to sell either The house is on one coast while I work and live on the other coast in the townhouse. more

Resolved Question: Should I move my bush.?

I bought some (Premier) blueberry bushes after i read on the tag 'Partial Sun/Full Shade". I thought that "full shade" meant no sun. Anyway i planted two bush about 5 feet apart and it just so happens that one bush get about 4 hours of sun while the other might get 1 hour. The one in the sun seems to be growing. while the other is not. They have been planted about a month now. Should I dig up the shaded bush and replant it? more

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